I read once that the industrialization of the south would never have occurred without the invention of air conditioning. I can believe and accept that fact. As much as I hate to admit it, I grew up in the south before that wonderful invention. All of our homes had high ceilings and attic fans. You can’t miss something that you never knew existed; so I was completely comfortable without having a thermostat to turn back on a hot day,Now that I know about the joys of climate control, I am somewhat like the father of a good friend of mine who once said,” Lord,please don’t give it to me if you are going to take it away”. Now folks a hot day down here is a day with the temperature in the mid to upper 90’s and a relative humidity in the 60-70 range. It’s not the heat that kills you, but that humidity will bring you to your knees. The only bad thing about those conditions I just mentioned is the absolute knowledge that it will get hotter in July and August. July and August in south Georgia can only be endured by a native.Some of us more mature natives try to make ourselves scarce during those months.


Now if the invention of air conditioning allowed the industrialization of the south, the creation of gnats by the good Lord absolutely assures me that we will never be over populated in south Georgia. I give you Atlanta as an example. Atlanta is above the gnat line in Georgia. If it were below the gnat line, Atlanta would be a city of about 100,000 idiots rather than the several million who live there without having to contend with gnats. Unlike the gnats on the coast of Georgia, our little critters do not bite. If they did bite, there would be a zero population in my part of the world. However, they exist by the billions, and they all have one aim in life–to find the one orifice on your body and get in that opening. We are talking about eyes,ears, noses, and mouths in the case of homo sapiens. Since I now wear hearing aids, a gnat inside my ear sounds very similar to an F-16.


I guess what really bothers me the most is wondering where the gnat in my mouth just came from. I am around dogs a lot, and tend to notice gnats congregating around dogs’ derrieres. That same gnat sees me and heads straight for my mouth. Seeing as how I have observed that gnats tend to prefer butts over mouths, I think that I have come up with a solution all southerners should embrace. Let’s slice a hole in our pants rear ends and quit wearing underpants!